I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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