You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
