I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
