I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
