I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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