We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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