i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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