Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
