Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
vagina is talking i cant
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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