Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
