The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
