And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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