I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
