I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
