yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
