You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
