I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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