Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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