I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
