FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
