So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
