If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
