That's when you crack a 10am beer
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
