What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize