somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
