guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
