Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
