Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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