I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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