Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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