Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
