It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
