life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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