the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You need a sexual gate keeper
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize