the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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