i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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