Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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