Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
