hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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