You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
