I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
