R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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