we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
