i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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