If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
