my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
