Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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