Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
