You just made me feel so damn special
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
