When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
