shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I smell stomach acid.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize