dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
only if we run a train.
done.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
