I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
