No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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