He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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