One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Randomize
