I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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