My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
