I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
