they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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