I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize