You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
