girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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