He asked to "fluff my boner.."
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
