did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
