it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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