I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
