I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
