I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Tell her she can't have a vagina
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
