I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
