Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
