Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
