I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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