Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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