we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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