I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
