Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
