I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
