I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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