Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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