I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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