we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
