I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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