i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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