Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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