I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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