I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
