There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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